If you’ve looked at any news outlet in the last couple of days you probably saw the video of Wisconsin news anchor Jennifer Livingston responding to a viewer who wrote to tell her that she was too fat and that she has a responsibility to be a role model for the viewing public, especially girls.
I really liked Jennifer’s on-air response because she said something I would have:
“The truth is, I am overweight. But to the person who wrote me that letter, do you think I don’t know that? That your cruel words are pointing out something that I don’t see? You don’t know me… so you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale.”
Jennifer’s point is something I bring up many times in Powerful Hunger. When you struggle with weight for years, you become numb to the projections of fat shaming. It’s downright INSULTING when people treat you like somehow you have no clue you’re fat and you’ve never even remotely entertained the idea of maybe trying to lose weight. Oh yeah, just eat less and move more. Don’t you want to be healthy? I admit it. I have a secret wish to PUNCH people who say things like that.
Where I see the real offense here is the idea that this woman is supposed to be a “role model” on something other than how she does her job. Does she report on the news in a clear and concise manner? Does she show a concern for local interests? Is she unbiased in presenting the issues? Does she show respect for her viewing audience and demonstrate journalistic integrity?
Besides her time on the air reporting the news, Jennifer is right. We DON’T know anything about her! We don’t know how she feels about her weight and that’s her business. She’s in the public eye as a news anchor and that’s all we have any reason to assess her on.
I was also prompted to write about this today because of something else that happened. A friend posted on Facebook about a documentary she thinks we should all watch. She was a bit perturbed that I said I had no interest in watching it and that I don’t watch documentaries like it.
I went ahead and watched the trailer online and sure enough it’s everything I thought it would be. Yet another film about how dangerous and unhealthy our food is, how gloomy our future looks and how the weight of America is condemning us to DOOM. The trailer includes the scary music, the grim statistics, the foreboding predictions. It’s all there. I was similarly unimpressed with that big four-part HBO film on “The Weight of the Nation.” To me, it’s already a cliche. Just like Jennifer said YEAH WE KNOW.
All of this is about shame and fear. In my book, I quote Dr. Brene Brown who has studied the dynamics of shame. Dr. Brown has said that all her work boils down to one absolute truth:
“You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behavior.”
Every time there’s some “shocking” expose on the evils of fat and junk food, it’s just another exercise in SHAME. Shaming you or attempting to scare you and put fear in your heart not only doesn’t work IT’S INSULTING.
We don’t need to hear that AGAIN. What we do need to acknowledge is that certain foods ARE engineered to be addictive. It’s so easy for them to become integrated into our lives. You don’t need anybody telling you AGAIN to stop eating them. That’s tough to do. If you want to eliminate them from your life, you need real tools and strategies that don’t judge you, but empower you.
I hope that no one who reads Powerful Hunger finds anything I say to be judgmental. I’ve “been there.” I know losing weight is a supremely difficult, ruthlessly frustrating fight. I reject the shame, I turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to the fear-mongering. It was my goal to put tools of empowerment in your hands.
As you turn away from the projections of shame and fear, what makes you feel POWERFUL?
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Excellent points- it’s so true- you cannot shame people into changing their behavior. Yeah, those of us who are overweight already know it.
What makes me feel powerful? Filling my time with activities that help other people achieve a goal and feel powerful.
Author
So true, Michele! I realized I had to bring other passions into my life! Lessening my engagement with food was pivotal!
On the issue of all these documentaries we’ve seen in the past few years, I don’t know who they really help. Even if you want to make a change in your life, you still have to figure out how you’re going to do it!
I agree. I think that diets in response to shame or the need for revenge in which food (eating it or not) becomes overly invested in symbolism tend to be eating disordered and obsessive even in cases when weight loss does result. Finding something positive to be engaged with and to invest our personal power in does seem crucial to good overall health.
Author
You make a good point, Karen. Something I discuss in my book is how taking real control of food requires acknowledging its role in our lives and accepting what needs to change. Weight loss is overwhelmingly marketed in a way that maintains and even further enhances a priority role and intense engagement with food. For those of us who deal with a serious weight problem, this is a “relationship” with little to no positive value for us and has to change.